Someone must have thought I had leadership potential, because I was put in charge of a crew detailed to pull “kitchen police” (K.P.) duty. “Kitchen police” has nothing to do with law enforcement. This is what is fondly referred to in the Army as a “shit detail” and was tough duty. It meant reporting to the mess hall at 03:30 or 04:00 and working usually ’til 20:00 or 21:00. How tough it was depended on the on-duty “mess” sergeant. Ours turned out to be a classic, garden-variety, 14k gold, card-carrying, textbook asshole. I guess he didn’t like the way I was parting what little hair I had, because he gave me the shittiest job in the U.S. Army: cleaning out the grease trap for the kitchen sinks. The grease trap is basically a metal box about two and a half feet long by one and a half feet wide and about two feet deep. It caught all the greasy drainage from the kitchen, which was considerable.
It is a dirty, stinking job and this prince of a sergeant told me to clean it out with my bare hands! I told him I wasn’t gonna do it without some sort of tool. He said, “I don’t have any tools, trainee!”
I couldn’t help myself; I popped off and said, “Well, sarge, in that case, I don’t have any hands. So, you better call the First Sergeant and have me escorted to the guardhouse.” He nearly shit green apples! I must’ve been the first trainee to stand up to the bastard. Red-faced, and barely able to contain himself…
From Chapter ll, A Day In Normandy
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